Nothing's Changed
by Shinineko09
Summary: Duo wanting something and convinced he will never have it, he does the unthinkable. Now with Duo in a coma, Heero needs to sort out his feelings for the braided man.
1. Chapter One

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Gundam Wing. Ok? Ok, good. 

**_My Ramblings: _**This story is untitled as of yet, because I suck at titles. The first one to review and suggest a title that I like is the title I will use and I will dedicate the story to you. By the way, it starts in Heero's POV

**_Summary_**: A few years after the Eve Wars, and Heero has only really kept contact with Wufei. Only because their jobs are related. 'Fei is a paramedic and Heero is a Preventer. Anywho, Heero gets a call from Wufei regarding a certain braided American.

**_Key:_** HhHh: Switching to Heero's POV  
DdDd: Switching to Duo's POV  
TtTt: Switching to Trowa's POV  
WwWw: Switching to Wufei's POV  
QqQq: Switching to Quatre's POV  
'thoughts'  
"words"  
_emphasis_

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Chapter One 

The phone at the front desk rings. "Hello?" I hear Alexia answer. "One moment please." She calls out, "Heero Yuy; Line one," as the light on my phone starts to flash. I pick up the receiver.

"Hello, Preventers' precinct 13. Heero Yuy speaking."

"Heero?" The voice on the other line is staticy, but I can tell who it is.

"Wufei? I haven't heard from you in a while. Where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital." Wufei's voice is tight with anxiety and worry. "Can you come down?"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"It's Duo. I know -"

"I'll be right over." I hang up the phone. "'Lex?" I call through the office.

"What's up?" Alexia answers.

"I need to leave a little early. Can you explain to the boss? A friend of mine is in the hospital and I really need to be there for him."

"Sure." I hear sympathy in her voice. "You go. I'll make your excuses."

I smile warmly at her as I leave. "Thanks, 'Lex. I owe you one."

"You owe me a _lot_ more than one, mister. But don't worry about it."

I nod and leave, heading for my car. Thoughts whirl in my mind as I drive, the most prominent one being 'What's wrong with him?'

I begin to feel slightly sick as my mind tortures me with ideas. He was raped, he was beaten, he was killed, he has cancer. 'Oh, God, don't let it be something bad. Don't let it be too late.' I think I will die if it's too late. I was working up the courage to call him. I really was. How can something bad happen to him? He's Duo, Shinigami, perfect, invincible.

I pull into the hospital's visitors' parking lot and hurry inside. Quatre Winner, a friend of mine is waiting. His face is worried, his eyes sorrowful and scared. Never, not even fighting in the war, or getting captured OZ troops, have I seen his face like this. My heart beats faster, and I feel myself getting scared. Wordlessly, he leads me to an elevator and presses the button for floor 5, a floor I know only too well. Floor 5 is the ICU floor. We enter the waiting room to see Trowa Barton sitting silently in a corner, and Chang Wufei pacing anxiously. They look at me. Wufei stops pacing.

"What's-," I begin. My voice comes out no more than a squeak. I clear my throat and start again. "What's going on?"

The two look at Quatre, who explains. "Heero… Duo's neighbor… found one of his cats in their yard. She went to go return the cat and… Heero, Duo – Duo slit his wrists. And possibly OD'ed on anti-depressants."

I couldn't believe this. Duo – happy, perky, annoyingly funny Duo tried to commit suicide? It makes no sense. I'm so lost in my own disbelief, I don't realize Quatre is speaking until he shoves an envelope at me. On the front it says "Heero." I recognize Duo's messy scrawl. I sink into a chair, trying to gather my courage to read it. I can't. I just can't.

"Heero? You okay?" I hear Quatre ask, but his voice is distant. The rushing in my ears is drowning out every other sound.

Suddenly a thought hits me. What if Duo's not even alive? What if he succeeded? "Quatre?" I ask, the rushing dying down. "Is he – is he – I mean, did he – " I fumbled to ask what I needed to ask.

Quatre understood what I needed to know. He nodded a little nod. "Barely. He's on life support. He's unconscious now."

I nod. "What are his chances of survival?"

Trowa looks at me like I'm nuts. "How can you ask that? Dammit, Heero, he's on _life support_!"

How can I tell him it's the only way I know how to deal with this? How can I tell him that if I don't have statistics to deal with, I'll go insane?

Quatre seems to understand. "Not good. If he makes it through the night, it will be a miracle. And even if he does, the chances of him surviving through the end of the week are about half a percent."

I nod, feeling tears prickle at the back of my eyes. "'Scuse me." I hurry to the bathroom. I won't cry. Crying is for women and children. Once I'm back under control, I go back to the waiting room.

Quatre comes up to me. "Do you want to go see him?"

I almost nod. Almost. But then I think about Duo lying in a bed, hooked up to machines. The thought in itself is enough to choke me up. I shake my head. "No, Q. I don't think I can bear it."

Quatre nods. "Did you read the letter?"

"No. I can't bring myself to do it."

I guess he hears my self-disgust in my voice. "It's ok, Heero. It's hard. I only opened mine just before you arrived. We're going to go sit with him. If you need something, the nurses at the reception desk can help you."

I nod. I want to go. I need to see him. But I can't. Seeing Duo hooked up to all those machines… I couldn't deal with it. I'm sure of that.

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It is nearly midnight when they leave. I won't go with them. Quatre tries to make me come, but I can't leave. I can't bring myself to see him, but I can't bring myself to leave him. The nurses on night shift come and check on me every now and then. They brought me some food a while ago and told me if I needed anything, just come to them. I can tell Duo is in good hands.

I sigh, getting up. I want to see Duo so bad. But I know if I do, I will cry. There will be nothing to stop me. 'Is it such a bad thing now?' I think. 'The others are gone. There is only nurses around and they would understand.'

'No,' I tell myself. 'No, I will not go. I can't.'

But I do. My feet slip silently down the hall, going to Duo's room. If he wakes up… I can't let him be alone. I have to let him know I'm here for him.

I peer into rooms. None of the people look like Duo. Finally, one of the nurses, Kelly, comes up to me. "Mr. Yuy, I can't have you looking into all the rooms. Patient privacy, you know. He's in room 16, just at the end of the hall."

"Thank you." I go in the direction she pointed. There it was… room 16. For a moment I pause outside the door. Gathering my courage I enter.

The intensely clean whiteness of it all hits me. The white walls, the white tile floor, the white ceiling, and the white sheets.

Blood drips into Duo from an IV. A heart monitor keeps track of every fluttery beat. A tube runs down his throat.

The sight of Duo makes me want to cry. His skin is a deathly white. His amethyst eyes are closed. And his hair… That beautifully long hair is unbraided and tangled, matted with dirt.

I go to his bedside and take his hand. I'm so shocked by how cold he is.

The next thing I know, I'm on my knees. I bury my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut against the tears. I can feel them fighting to get out. Suddenly, one trails down my cheek. The others follow it, playing a sad game of follow the leader. I can't stop them. I realize I don't want to. I let them go. All the tears I'd been holding for nearly eight hours. For two years… ever since the war ended.

I manage to pull myself into a chair. Forty minutes later, my eyes are finally dry. I fidget with the covers on Duo. Kelly comes in to check his pulse and breathing. She writes something on her clipboard.

"Kelly?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"Could you get me a small tub of warm water, a towel, and some shampoo and conditioner? And a brush. I'd like to take care of his hair."

Kelly nods understandingly. "Of course. I'll be right back." She hurries out of the room.

For half an hour, I squirm in my seat. Finally she brings the things I asked for. "Thanks."

"You know, Heero, talking to him might help."

I look up, surprised. "You mean he can hear me?"

"Well, it's not scientifically proven. But, when some people wake up from comas, they say they heard the things they were told. Others don't. But it can't hurt."

I nod thoughtfully. "Yeah… I'll try it. Thanks, Kelly."

"Any time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to checking on other patients."

I nod and watch her leave. Gently, I pull Duo's hair from under him and dunk it in the little tub. "Duo, it's Heero. Can you hear me? I'm here." I begin washing Duo's hair. "You're hair's a mess. Why did you do this? What could have been this bad?" I pause. I have no idea what to say next. "Quatre gave me the letter you wrote. I haven't read it yet. I can't find enough courage." I finish washing his hair then drying it. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you." 'Come on Heero, tell him. Tell him.' I can't tell him what I need to. "I kind of disappeared after the war. Well, except Wufei knew where I worked. I work with the Preventers." I pick up the brush and begin getting the tangles out, talking about random things, and crying on and off. I finally finish at six in the morning. Deftly, I braid the long hair. I've just settled into my own thoughts when I hear voices coming down the hall.

"I can't believe Heero won't come visit him," Trowa's voice floats to me.

"_I_ can't believe he just left! God, what an ass. What if Duo wakes up and there's no one here for him?" That was Wufei.

"Guys, come on. This has been hard on him."

"It's been hard on us too, but we aren't the ones running away like some weak, cowardly dog."

"I have to agree with Wufei on this one, Quatre. Duo's done a lot for him. And he's acting like nothing's wrong."

"I know. But, I can't blame him. It's how he handles things."

"What if Duo died last night? Is Heero going to act like he's still alive? Or like he never existed?" Trowa opens the door. He looks towards the bed, and a surprised look crosses his face as he sees me. "Heero?"

I nod silently. I can't blame them for thinking those things. I was really detached yesterday. "Don't worry Trowa. I've been here all night. I won't let him die. He means too much to me." Wufei and Quatre come in behind Trowa, surprised at hearing my voice. "I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I couldn't deal with it. I wanted to visit. But… seeing him hooked up to all these machines…" I let the sentence hang, unfinished. The tears are coming back. And I thought I'd cried them all away last night. I busy myself with tucking the blankets around Duo tighter.

"Duo… Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei are here. We're all here for you, so you gotta hang in there, ok?"

The others look at me like I'm crazy. "Heero, he's in a coma," Quatre reminds me gently.

"I know. But I have to let him know we're here. I have to tell him he has support and we all want him back."

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	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I own nothing... darn.

My Ramblings: Hey, there! This story's title has been changed about a million times. It started out as "Untitled as of Yet" then became "So Sorry". Now it is "Nothing's Changed". I think it fits. And I came up with it all on my own! I'm so proud! I had to think about it for hours. Kind of. I thought and then I was in Social Studies at school today, when the idea hit me. I actually yelled, "FINALLY!" in the middle of class! I was so embarrassed did I spell that right? i'm too lazy to get the dictionary but I was actually very happy I finally found a title I liked! Thank you, those of you who suggested titles! Your ideas helped me think of some of my own!

Chapter Two

It's dark here. Wherever here is. I'm all alone. Is this death? If it is, it isn't half as relieving as I thought it would be. Maybe if I walk, I'll find someone, someplace, soon. As my feet wander, so do my thoughts. I wonder how Quatre and Trowa and 'Fei are taking this. I wonder how Heero is taking it. Is he angry? Is he sad? Does he miss me?

I laugh out loud at that thought, and the sound is eaten by the blackness. It scares me. I'm very scared. Everything is the same as it was when I was alive. It's no fair. I killed myself so I could leave those feelings of intense aloneness and sadness behind. Boy is this screwy.

I'm tired. I want to stop, to sit, but I have this feeling that if I do, I won't like the consequences. I feel like I've been walking forever. Maybe I have.

I'm so alone. Beyond the blackness I hear voices, laughter. I race towards it. I come to a fence. On the other side is a huge playground. The others are all standing around. Quatre and Trowa, Wufei and Sally Po, Heero and… RELENA! No, that's gotta be wrong!

But there they are… standing arm in arm, watching a little girl with his hair and her eyes. That can't be. But it is. I never told him I love him. I didn't. I should have… but I was too scared.

"I'm so glad you guys are together," Quatre tells Heero.

He looks at Relena with loving eyes. "Me too. I've loved her for so long… I just couldn't tell her. I think it's partly because of Duo. He always acted like he wanted something more from me… I just didn't like him that way."

"Maybe it's a good thing that moron killed himself," Wufei puts in.

Heero laughs.

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"I'm getting hungry, guys. What do you say we all take a break and head over to Burger King, or Taco Bell?" Quatre suggests.

I can hardly believe my ears. Duo is laying here, fighting for his life, and he wants _Burger King_? Suddenly it hits me. He's doing this to try to calm us down. It's something he would do. Trowa has been pacing, right along side Wufei, for about three hours. I haven't moved from this spot in ten hours. And I won't move until Duo is back in this world.

"To tell you the truth," Wufei says. "I am getting pretty hungry. I'm up for Taco Bell." Trowa nods his agreement.

"Heero?"

I shake my head.

"Heero, you need to eat. It isn't good for you to just stop eating. And getting out will do you good."

I shake my head. I'm not leaving Duo alone. Right now, he's my first priority. I'll worry about myself later.

Quatre sighs. "At least let us bring you back something."

I nod. Quatre's right. It will do Duo no good if he wakes up and I'm half-dead. They leave without saying another word. I sit here for a few minutes, wondering what to do. I realize the letter is still in my pocket. I pull it out. I still don't have enough courage to do it.

Without my telling it to, my hand tears the envelope open and pulls the letter out. It sits in front of my face. My eyes are drawn to it like a magnet.

_Dearest Heero,_

_I'm sorry about all this. You probably think I'm nuts, but if you are reading this I'm dead. I have been alone the past two years… ever since the war ended. I want to die. I really do. My life is horrible. I've become an alcoholic, and a druggie. Pot, coke, ecstasy, you name it I'm addicted to it. _

_I know you probably think I'm exaggerating. That nothing is this bad, and I took the coward's way out. But the pain is just too big and I am just too small. I'll do it in my back yard. I'm going to take pills… my anti-depressants. Then I'll slit my wrists. Two ways of suicide? I know that's what you're thinking. I want to be sure I die._

_I'm not a hero. In the war, I messed stuff up for you and the guys. I never did anything right. It isn't right for me to live and take credit for defeating OZ and returning the peace. I'm a lost cause. I'm a liability. I'm a disaster. It's me against the world. And the world won. _

_The last thing I wanted you to know is that I love you. I love you with all my heart. With everything I have. I was scared of telling you before. I was scared you'd hate me. But now it doesn't matter._

_With love always,_

_Duo Maxwell_

"Oh, God," I whisper, as tears spill from my eyes. I pull him into a tight hug. "Oh, God, Duo," I murmur into his hair. "I wish I'd known earlier. I love you, too. I was scared too. So scared of revolting you… of getting my feelings hurt." I choke back sobs. "Oh, God. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I can't live without you anymore. Please, come back. I love you. Duo—" My next words are drowned out by sobs.

"Heero?" I didn't even hear the door open. "Are you ok?"

I look at Quatre. He looks worried. I shake my head and thrust the letter at him. He reads it. When he's done, he backs out of the room leaving it on the table.

"Heero, why did you react so strongly?" he asks before closing the door.

My breath catches in my throat. "Because, Q. I—I love him too. If I hadn't been so scared of getting hurt… I would have told him. Then this wouldn't have happened. It's my fault." I begin crying again.

"No, Heero. It's nobody's fault. Duo—" Quatre cuts himself off, realizing I'm not paying attention. He leaves the room without another word.

Gently I lay Duo back on the bed. Then I bury my head in my hands and sob.

WwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwWwW

I peer at Heero through the small window in the door. "I've never seen him like this," I comment.

"That's because the man he loves has never tried to kill himself."

I turn to stare at Quatre. "What?"

"I said, 'Th—'"

"I know what you said. I meant what do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Duo loves Heero. And Heero loves Duo."

"I never would have guessed. Heero always seemed to hate the guy. Why didn't he say something?"

"He was scared. He didn't want to get hurt."

I ponder this for a minute, then nod. My stomach growls. "Let's go eat. We'll bring Heero's stuff back to him in a little while. Trowa's already down in the cafeteria."

Quatre nods, and leads me down to the basement of the hospital.

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Nothing has changed. It is still black. Black everywhere. There is no light, no sound, other than my harsh breathing. From somewhere above me, I hear crying.

"Oh, God," someone whispers. "Oh, God, Duo. I wish I'd known earlier. I love you, too. I was scared too. So scared of revolting you… of getting my feelings hurt." Vaguely, I realize the voice is Heero's. He chokes back a sob. "Oh, God. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I can't live without you anymore. Please, come back. I love you. Duo—" I can't hear his next words because he is crying too hard.

"No! Heero no!" I shout. "It's not your fault! It's mine! I'm such an idiot! Please, don't blame yourself!" But he doesn't hear me. 'Duo, you're such an idiot. His voice is probably just a figment of your imagination.' Suddenly, I want to cry.

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	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Gundam Wing and I am not making any money off of this. Ok? So don't sue, 'cuz I have no money! 

**_Author's Note: _**Hey, guys! Wow! I got reviews! I'm so happy! This time, though, I am not going to update until I get at least 10 reviews, ok? Is that too much to ask? So, if you're a lurker, but you really like this story, REVIEW or you don't get more chapters! Got it?

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Chapter Three 

I sit here, hypnotized by the ECG, the heart monitor. The green line spikes up, down, up, down… a regular pattern in a sea of uncertainty.

I blink trying to clear my vision. Surely I'm wrong. In one cold sickening moment, I realize I'm not.

I cry for help, repeatedly pressing the nurse call button on the phone. The beeps of the heart monitor are faster, more urgent. The spikes of the green line are irregular, jumping all over the screen. Duo convulses.

A horde of nurses bursts through the door and I am pushed out.

I sink to the floor in the hall. 'Dear God, what's wrong now?' I lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes against tears. Three sets of running feet come toward me. Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei kneel around me.

"Heero? Heero, what happened? Did he…" Quatre trails off, the ending too horrible to even think of. It doesn't matter; I know what he means.

What scares me is… I have no clue. I don't know if he's alive. I shrug, my body shaking with held back sobs. "I don't know. I was sitting there and—" My voice cracks. "The ECG went nuts. He had a heart attack or something." I choke back a sob. "Guys, what am I going to do? I can't lose him. I just told him I love him. What if he didn't hear me? What if he dies without knowing I love him?"

The door opens and the head nurse steps out. The others leap up. I can't find the strength to move.

"How is he? What happened? Did he—"

The nurse shakes her head. "No. But he did come pretty close. The drugs he took affected his heart, making it beat irregularly. As of now he's breathing. But the chances of him surviving are greatly diminished. I won't lie to you. His chances of living through the week are a thousand to one. Literally. And even if he does live, he may never wake up."

"What can we do?"

'That's Wufei for you. Always on the attack.'

"Just talk to him. Tell him how much you want him to come back. Maybe he'll hear you. Don't lose hope."

"Kind of hard not to," I mutter.

She seems to see me for the first time. She crouches, so she's on eye level with me. "My parents were both alcoholics and druggies. My grandmother raised me. I grew up hating my parents. Granny was the one who told me not to hate them, to pity them. They had lost hope for their lives, so they had turned to alcohol and drugs to fix it. 'They died inside,' she said. 'The minute they lost hope. Don't ever lose hope. If you don't have hope, you don't have anything.' If your friend still had hope, he wouldn't have tried to commit suicide. I don't mean to be blunt but it's true. If you have hope, hope will grow inside him." She stood. "I'll clear the room then you guys can go back in." She went back into the room and a moment later, the nurses streamed out. "It's all yours. Remember… hope." With that she went down the hall, disappearing into the nurses station.

The others head towards the door.

"Hey, guys… um…" I fidget. "Would you… mind if I had about… ten minutes… alone with him?"

They nod silently, and I go in. Duo is lying on the bed, pale. I kiss his forehead. It is sweaty. Gently I wipe his bangs away. "Duo, I love you. You need to come back. I need you. Can you even hear me? I can't believe you. How could you do this? You really scared me! I'm sorry… I shouldn't snap at you. It's my fault you did this. I'm sorry for leaving you. I won't let it happen again." I'd asked for ten minutes and not even three minutes in, I'm out of things to say. I hold his hand. "I don't know what the future has in store for us. I don't care. Just as long as I can spend it with you. You mean so much to me. If—no, when. When you're better, we'll sort this out. And I won't leave you."

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People are yelling, giving orders. They are beyond the darkness… I can't find them. Their voices mix together, making it impossible to pick out who is who.

"Duo, what are you doing? I wish you'd just make up your mind! Live or die! Decide! I can't stand this! Quit it! Damn you! Why won't you just die!"

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I tap on the door. When there is no answer, I enter Duo's room, Trowa and Wufei behind me.

Heero has his elbows on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. I've never seen him like this. He's a broken man.

Heero looks up at us as we walk in. His eyes are dull. There is no trace of the spark that was always there in the war.

"I can leave… if you want to be alone with him," Heero offers.

The look in his eyes is so sad, I want to cry. Even offering to leave obviously took a lot of his courage.

Trowa puts his arm around me. "It's okay," he tells Heero. "Duo would want you here."

I look at Trowa. Instantly, I feel better. I rest my head on his shoulder.

Heero watches us for a minute, then looks down at Duo. "You know, that's the kind of relationship I want with Duo," he admits. He looks up at us again. "With one look, I want to be able to tell him every thing will be fine. And even if it's not, I'll always be there to make it better. I want him to be able to tell me. I want to hold him, and know he loves me. I want to be able to open up… to show emotions. I want to go out in public and not be embarrassed when he acts like a complete idiot. I want to be able to pick him up when he's down, make all his hurt go away."

"You will be able to do all that, Heero," I assure him.

He looks back down at Duo. "I hope so."

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All right that's it for chapter three! Remember… 10 REVIEWS!

**Courtnee: **Thank you for the wonderful praise! I'm glad you like the title!

**Elemental Alchemist:** Here's your update!

**Black-Angel-001: **Thank you for the wish of luck and the list of possible titles! It means a lot that people are taking such an interest in making up for my lack of creativity! Lol. And I'm glad you like it, even if it is 1x2x1.

**GundamPilot03: **Yes, I know. Poor Heero. Here's the update.

**Amri: **I continued! Yay! Anyway, I'm glad you like how I tell the story. I was kind of hesitant about switching POVs too, at first. Then I figured, 'Hey, more stuff to write!'

'**Lizabeth: **I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the review!

**Shinigami's Forlorn Angel: **I didn't want to do this to our poor Duo. I love him. But, as I'm sure you know, once the idea gets a hold of you (or your muses get a hold of it) it just won't let go!

**Yazzy:** I didn't want to be mean! As I said to Forlorn Angel, evil ideas/muses!

**.at least I know I'm a sinner.: **Yayness! I'm so happy you like it!

Remember people! REVIEW!


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or it's characters. I DO own the plot. And Alice. And Hikari. But that's it! No suing. I hope I spelled that right. 

_**Ramblings:**_

Hey everyone! Sam here! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever. First my little brother messed up my computer, then I lost my floppy, then my little brother messed up the internet connection at my house (with the help of my Uncle Mike), then I got grounded from the computer until I cleaned my room. Well, my room is cleaned and I'm back! U By the way, thanks so much for reviewing! I got ten reviews within the first 3 days! So once again, I'm asking for ten reviews!

Key: 

QqQqQqQqQq: Switching to Quatre's POV

TtTtTtTt: Trowa's POV

HhHhHh: Heero's POV

DdDdDd: Duo's POV

WwWwWw: Wufei's POV

"Spoken words"

'thoughts'

_emphasis

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Chapter Four

I wonder how long I've been here. It seems like forever. I look ahead of me. There is a giant chair… a throne, I suppose. I step towards it. Seeing it up close I realize it's for me. Well, Shinigami, but same difference. I also know, though I don't know how, that if I sit down, this will be my realm. I won't be able to leave. I pause… What do I do? Twice I've heard Heero happy that I died, or wanting me to. I decide to sit down. I am almost sitting when…

"You know, that's the kind of relationship I want with Duo," a voice says. Heero's voice. "With one look, I want to be able to tell him every thing will be fine. And even if it's not, I'll always be there to make it better. I want him to be able to tell me. I want to hold him, and know he loves me. I want to be able to open up… to show emotions. I want to go out in public and not be embarrassed when he acts like a complete idiot. I want to be able to pick him up when he's down, make all his hurt go away."

I leap up. Dammit! Why can't my mind quit playing tricks on me! But… what if it isn't my mind? What if that's what Heero's really saying and everything else was my mind? I sigh and sit down. On a floor of blackness, glaring at the throne of Shinigami.

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Quatre is leaning against the wall, Trowa at his side. Wufei is sitting in the middle of the open floor, meditating. The only sound in the entire room is breathing. There is something about the room, the time, the situation in itself, that makes us all want to be quiet, as silent as possible.

The night nurse in charge of Duo's case, Kelly, comes in. "Hey guys. Listen, I'm really sorry, but I just got in trouble with my boss. 'The visiting rules are here for a reason.' You guys need to go. I'm really, really, _really_ sorry."

I look at her. "I can't leave him. I promised him I wouldn't leave. I promised. Kelly, don't make me, please."

She looks at me sympathetically. "I really want you to be able to stay. Let me go get my boss." She hurries out. A moment later, she and another woman come in.

I gasp, seeing Sally Po. "Sally, you're Kelly's boss?"

Sally nods. "You guys are the ones who haven't left?"

I nod. "Please, Sally, don't make me leave. I promised him I wouldn't."

"Heero, you do know he probably won't live."

I shake my head. "I don't care. I told him I'd be here and I won't break that promise. Besides, he will wake up. I have to believe that. And when he does, I don't want him to be alone."

"One," Sally agrees. "One person stays. Everybody else leaves. Sorry, guys, I can't break the rules just because I know you."

Silently, the others get up and follow Sally and Kelly out. I'm overwhelmed by love for my friends. They're like family to me. They know I can't bring myself to leave him.

"Hey, guys," I call before they shut the door. Wufei sticks his head in. "Can you go to my apartment and check on my dog? If you go to the precinct, Alexia will take you to my house, then my landlady should let you in."

Wufei nods and leaves.

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"Check on his dog? What kind of request is that?" I ask, driving down the dark street.

"The dog is probably an escape from a stressful life as a Preventer. He'd feel even worse if Duo _and_ his dog died," Quatre reasons. I shoot him a disapproving look. "We have to face the facts. Duo probably won't live. We need to be able to accept that so we can help Heero." I look away. He's right. It's just hard to think of the bouncy American as dead.

"But there is still hope," Wufei adds. "We can't just write him off as dead."

"I'm not," Quatre protests. "But I'm not going to pretend he's fine either."

"Nobody's saying you are. Just—"

"Guys, cut it out. We're here." We get out and go up to the door. I push the intercom.

"Who's there? Do you know what time it is?"

"My name is Trowa Barton. I'm here with Chang Wufei and Quatre Raberba Winner. We're sorry to bother you, and we do know it's late. We're friends of Heero Yuy's. He wanted us to come check on his dog."

There is a large sigh. "Just a moment, I'll let you in." The door opens, revealing an elderly black woman. "I'm Alice, Heero's landlady. Come in. I'll take you up to his room." We follow her up a couple flights of stairs. "Heero hasn't been back lately. How is he?"

"We don't really know. Our friend is in the hospital and Heero hasn't been talking about much else."

"Your friend…" she thinks. "Not that Maxwell boy!"

"Actually yes. He tried to commit suicide."

"Oh, poor Heero! He always said Duo was his very best friend."

She unlocks and opens a door. A puppy comes tumbling out. Alice stoops down and picks it up. "Have you been waiting for me, Hikari? No. You've been waiting for Heero. Maybe he'll be home soon, hmm?" She carries the puppy inside. She turns when she sees we're still in the hall. "Well come in. Can't check on the puppy out there!" We come into Heero's apartment. It is as neat and organized as I thought it would be. "My German Shepherd had puppies a little while ago. This little girl looks more like her Rottweiler father. Yes, she does."

"Would you mind if we took him back to the hospital with us?"

I stare at Quatre.

"Sally Po, the hospital director, said it would be ok."

"So that's what you two were whispering about."

"Yes. Why? Were you jealous, Trowa?"

I laugh and wrap my arm around him. "Nah. I know you love me."

Wufei shakes his head as Quatre laughs. I love his laugh. It's like tinkling bells.

Alice is looking at us. "As to taking Hikari to the hospital, it's fine with me. It would probably do Heero good."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, youngster. I didn't do anything."

"If you don't mind my asking, why do you care so much about Heero?" Quatre asks.

Alice looks thoughtful. "I don't know. He's like a grandson to me, but I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because my grandkids died in a car accident a few years ago. He's about the age the oldest one was. He's the only boarder I have right now, so we spend a lot of time talking. He's a very interesting boy."

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I'm still sitting here, thinking. Thinking about everything that has happened. Everything. While nothing has changed around me, I feel different. I am nearly positive Heero doesn't want me to die. I think he might even love me… I'm going back. I'm going back and no one can stop me.

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"Heero. Heero…"

The fairly unfamiliar voice of Kelly wakes me up.

"I'm going to take the tube out now. Why don't you go down to the cafeteria in the basement?"

Half asleep, I nod. It does make sense, I guess. Making it to the elevator, I push the button for the basement, which is also the cafeteria. The elevator emits a high ding! and the doors open. Yawning I step out of the elevator and get in line… well, it's not much of a line. I'm the only one standing there. I grab the tray closest to me, and walk to the cashier to pay. Finally, I sit down. Staring at my food, my stomach growled. I hadn't realized I was so hungry! I shovel food into my mouth, chewing and swallowing quickly. Suddenly the taste hit me. I quite nearly threw up all the food I'd just stuffed down my throat. I managed to keep it down, though. I eat the rest of the "food," barely. Finished I run back to the elevator to go back to Duo's room to wait. Again.

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I hold the squirming puppy in my arms as we drive back to the hospital. She barks at me, a tiny yapping bark. I laugh. She's so adorable!

"Heero never struck me as a puppy kind of guy," Wufei comments.

"He probably did it to help Alice out. He's that kind of guy. She did say that she's been trying to get him to open up… it just isn't working. Maybe she thought the puppy would help." The puppy bites the finger I was tickling his chin with. "Hey!" She turns her innocent brown eyes, made cuter by the little brown spots he has for eyebrows, on me and my heart melts.

"Quatre, put that thing back on its leash. We're here," Wufei instructs.

"It's a she. And she's not a thing. She's a puppy. _And_ she has a name. It's Hikari," I retort.

"Whatever. Put the leash and collar on 'Hikari' because we're here."

I roll my eyes and put Hikari's leash back on. I put her on the asphalt of the parking lot and start walking in. The puppy runs ahead of me.

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The door opens behind me. I turn in time to fend of the little pink tongue of my puppy. "Hikari!" I exclaim, surprised to see her. "I told you guys to go check on her… not bring her back here."

Quatre shrugs. "Sally said it was ok. And Alice didn't mind. Besides, we figured you could use a pick me up." He looks at me oddly. "Have you eaten anything?"

I roll my eyes. "Trust Quatre to worry about me at a time like this." Seeing the look he's still giving me, I decide to put him at ease. "Yes, Quatre. Kelly made me eat before she left. Sat right in that chair and watched me eat my whole dinner."

Hikari whimpers at me from my arms, licking my face.

"I'm sorry I left you all alone, Hikari. Do you forgive me? "She licks my chin. "Thank you." I scratch behind her ears. After a while, she finds me boring and looks over at Duo. She sniffs his hand. "That's Duo, Hikari. That's the one I told you about. He tried to kill himself. What a baka, huh?"

Wufei looks at me funny. "I thought you were upset."

"I am. And I fully intend to yell at him when he wakes up." 'If he wakes up…'

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I look around. I'm pretty sure this is the direction I came from… Oh, who knows! It's all black! Dammit! What use is this? I'm probably walking in circles! I wish I knew where the hell I'm going…

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* * *

Remember, 10 reviews! If I'm in a good mood, I'll settle for 9, maybe even 8, but I'm not often in a good mood! giggles

**Sirithgliniel: **I do realize and understand that sometimes people are busy with other things and don't have time to review right when they're done reading. It's happened to me before. But there's no reason why they can't come back and review when they have more time. And I do write for myself. I just figured if less than ten people liked this story enough to review, I wouldn't waste time and space on to keep posting. I'm glad you like the story, though. I know what you mean when you say "If you haven't been in this sort of a situation (about to commit suicide because of desperation) you will never be able to comprehend the significance of this statement." I would also like to add, that if you haven't been in a situation like this, you cannot know what it feels like. I'm glad that my story could save your life. It saved mine.

**GundamPilot03: **I'm glad you like the story enough to review!

**Shadowdragon58:** I continued for you! By the way, that is the awesome-est name ever!

**Amri: **Thanks for reading! I don't _want _to keep you away! I'm glad this inspires _someone_! I purposefully read stuff just to get inspiration sometimes, and it helps a lot, don't ya think? Just as long as you don't take the author's ideas! glares warningly

**Burgandy3721: **No, I don't expect you to beg and plead. I expect you to tell me the things you like and don't like and even add suggestions for how to make this story better. But it makes me feel all fuzzy inside when you consider begging and pleading! **_I do not know as of this moment in time whether or not Duo will die. _**That was to EVERYBODY. Stop asking me that stuff! Geez! Ok, I'm seriously not mad. And you don't have to stay on my good side. I don't take offense to much, unless you are point blank insulting me. Then I will react. And I'm not going to not update just cuz you made me mad.

**Shinigami's Forlorn Angel:** Tears aren't really my kind of thing either… AHHHHHHH! No wrath, please, no wrath! I'm updating, I'm updating! Oh… YAY KITTIES!

**Elemental Alchemist: **No, you can't review 10 times. But it makes me happy that you want to, just to get another chapter out of me! Thank you for the (much needed) luck!

**Lemur130: **I'm so glad you think it's different! I hate it when you read one story after another and they're all the same! You just made my day!

**Mieka: **Don't cry! Even though it is a sad story… But it's just going to get sadder… maybe.

**Ameki: **Please don't kill me! (By the way, my friends get a kick out of that. Now whenever I don't do something they say they will hunt me down and kill me). I'm glad you like the descriptions. It's so nice when someone notices the points very few people pay attention to.

**Courtnee**: It's a SUICIDE STORY! There's not supposed to be any ACTION! Silly! And I don't want to just do Duo-in-the-black-depths-of-death stuff. This story is supposed to show how _everyone _gets affected by one person's decision. Ok, I'm done yelling at you. You forgive me, right?

**Yazzy: **I don't know if I'm going to kill Duo. I like to think I'm not that mean. But I did have this idea… And nobody wants Heero going from "Hn" to "N"

**Yami no Youkai: **I'm glad you like it!

Wonderful **Yami** asked about endings. Here is a hint on what's going to happen. I'm going to have two endings. That's all I'm saying. TOODLEOO!


	5. Author's Note

Hey guys, Sammy here. I wanted to let you know that I probably won't be updating Nothing's Changed for a little while. My grandpa, who is the strongest person I know, is in the hospital. A few weeks ago, his vision went white and he couldn't see. He went to his eye doctor and his eye doctor sent him to his family doctor. Apparently, his eyes weren't getting enough blood. He was on medicine, but yesterday he was golfing with my grandma and uncle and his arm went numb. He couldn't hold the club. My grandma took him to the hospital. Then this afternoon, his fingers went numb. His CAT scan showed that an artery in his brain was almost completely blocked. He is being transported to another hospital, and he might need surgery. My family is going nuts and I'm trying to be strong for them, so I don't have much time to write.

I do ask that you keep him in your prayers. He means a lot to my entire family and we need him to get better. Thanks, guys.

Sammy


	6. Chapter Five

**_Disclaimer:_** Same as all the others 

**_Ramblings: _**My grandpa is out of the hospital, though the doctors still don't know what's wrong with him. Thank you all for keeping him in your thoughts and prayers. He's doing better and I know that helps. And all of your support really helped me. Now that he's better, I've been able to write. YAY! So I won't keep you any longer. On with the next chapter.

**_Key:_** Same as all the other chapters….

Chapter Five 

"Heero, you haven't moved in days." Quatre's worried voice pulls me from my memories.

"So?" My voice comes out cold and clipped. I don't mean for it to sound that way, it just does.

Quatre flinches as if I'd hit him, but continues. "It's not healthy," he says. "You haven't slept for more than a few minutes at a time. You haven't eaten much of anything. Go home. Please."

"How can you ask me to do that? To leave him? That's like me asking you to leave Trowa in some God-forsaken hospital. I wouldn't do that to you," I growl angrily, getting up and advancing on the smaller man, pouring all of my pent-up anger and frustration into my movements and words.

Trowa stands up, getting between me and Quatre. "Leave Quatre alone. _It's not his fault._" His glare at the moment is enough to rival my own, but in my frustration and anger, I brush it off. I want to, _need_ to hit something. And whether that something is flesh or wall depends on what's in front of me at the time.

I try to sidestep Trowa, to get to the wall. I don't want to hurt him or Quatre, but I can't control myself for much longer. Trowa moves squarely in front of me. "Move." I sidestep again, and again he follows. I punch him solidly in the nose. I can't control it anymore. Trowa fights back and I tackle him to the ground. It takes Wufei, Quatre, and three orderlies to get me off of him and restrain me.

Trowa gets up and flops heavily into a chair. Hurriedly, Quatre grabs some tissues and wipes up the blood dripping from Trowa's nose.

I sag against the restraining grasp of one of the orderlies, the fight in me seeping away, leaving me feeling empty and hollow. "I'm sorry, Trowa. That was uncalled for and I shouldn't have done it." I hang my head and the orderly lets go, following his colleagues out of the room.

"It's ok." Trowa smiles in sympathy. "I know I'd want to beat the shit out of something if it was Quatre in that hospital bed."

"I still shouldn't have used you as my punching bag."

"Very well you shouldn't have," Wufei cuts in. "And next time you won't. Now, I'm hungry. Anyone up for some dinner?"

Quatre and Trowa nod. My stomach grumbles, and Wufei takes it as a yes because he's out the door within the second, promising to bring back something good and something for Hikari, who is laying lazily on the foot of Duo's bed.

Suddenly, I am hit with the need to get out of this place. To get away from the smell of medicine and cleanliness. "Will you guys watch Hikari and Duo? If Wufei's getting food for her, I should go too. She's picky."

"Sure." The word is no more out of Trowa's mouth and I am out the door. Wufei is halfway down the hall. I shout his name and he waits for me. Together, we silently go to his car. If I am going just to get away from the hospital, I convince myself otherwise.

We are just leaving the Wendy's drive-thru when my cell phone rings. I grab it and answer quickly.

"Hello?"

"Heero? It's Quatre."

"What happened?"

"Duo--" I don't give him a chance to finish.

"We'll be right there." I hang up. "Drive faster," I order Wufei. "That was Quatre."

I don't have to say anything else. He speeds up to 100 mph on the deserted road. We reach the hospital in no time. Once he parks we jump out and sprint into the large building, the food lying forgotten on the front seat.

Sorry it's so short. It's 2 AM and I'm rather tired. I'm just going to answer reviews and let you guys go.

**Sirithgliniel:** Glad I could make your day. This is partially based on my feelings, so it was easier to write the Duo parts than anything else. The rest is just stuff I got when we had this discussion about suicide at my youth group at church and what everyone said they would feel like if someone close to them committed suicide.

**lov4shin:** I'm so glad you like it.

**Ladyunebarton:** It is so cool to have people from non-English-speaking countries read my story! Thanks so much for posting and letting me know you read this! And there's nothing wrong with taking a dog to the hospital, as long as you have permission from the hospital director. My cousin takes her dog all the time for volunteer hours. Dogs, or companions of any type, actually can help the healing process.

**Shinigami's Forlorn Angel:** Well not quite to those extremes (about the endings) but around there. Those are going to be the next chapters so look for them! And I really just like Hikari as a name…

**Yaruna-chan:** I'm glad you like it!

**Meika:** Yes poor Heero and Duo. Here, I updated.

**GundamPilot03: **I liked the idea and it was actually one of mine before but I think the idea I'm going to use might work better.

**Courtney: **Bad you, reading this during class. You're turning into me! AHHHHHHHH!

**Yazzy:** My dog is a Rottie/Shepherd mix. They are so cute!

**Burgandy3721:** I'm glad you like it and of course I'll accept your review. And if I didn't have so many great reviewers like you, I wouldn't be typing this at 2 AM.

**EVERYONE WHO SENT ME SUPPORT ON THE WHOLE GRANDPA ISSUE: ** THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU GUYS ROCK! Your support kept me going. Thanks again!

I'm not asking for 10 reviews this time. 5 will do because I'm going to finish and no one can stop me! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	7. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Not mine, not making money off it. So don't sue.

Authors Note: Gomen minna-san! I'm soooooo sorry for not posting sooner. I meant to but I never got around to it. School started taking over there for a little bit… But anyway, here's the ending of Nothing's Changed. I decided that there's only going to be one ending and this is the only one that seems to fit… If later I decide that there's going to be a happy ending, I'll post it then, but for now this is it.

**Dedication: This is dedicated to anyone who has stuck with this story (and me). Thank you all so much for your reviews and thoughts and prayers regarding my grandpa (who is doing much, much better). I won't keep you any longer, so here it is…**

Nothing's Changed  
Epilogue

I sigh as I stand in front of the gravestone. This is all my fault.

"Heero, it wasn't your fault." Quatre's soft voice comes from behind me. "Duo was feeling that way for a while. He didn't tell anyone… but I knew. I always figured he would get over it, or come talk to us if he needed help. It's just as much my fault as it is anyone else's. More because I could have helped him."

"I should have told him how I felt long ago." I sniff and wipe my eyes.

"Come on Heero. Let's go home," Wufei suggests gently. Our therapist decided it would be good for us to move in together for a little while to comfort each other better.

"You guys go on. I'll be right there." I hear a rustle among the dead and dried leaves as they leave.

"M-maybe someone should stay with you," Quatre says hesitantly.

"No, Quat," I murmur, realizing he must be feeling some really weird emotions from me. "I really need to be alone right now." I turn and see the look on his face. Realizing why he wants to stay, I add, "Don't worry, Quatre. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I-I need to keep going… to survive. For him."

Quatre nods sadly before turning and going to the parking lot and Trowa's waiting arms.

I wait until I'm alone before turning and facing the grave. "Hey, buddy. It's, uh, it's been a week since you… left. We just got out of your funeral. It was beautiful. You should have seen how many people were there. The church wasn't big enough to hold everyone. There were people standing in the parking lot. They couldn't even hear the sermon… they just wanted to show how much they love you. So many people loved you. If only you'd known." I take a breath, willing the tremor out of my voice. "I still expect you to walk around a corner, laughing and saying 'Got ya!'" I pause to wipe my eyes and laugh at myself. "Dumb, huh?

"I… I don't know if you could hear me when you were in that coma, but I know you can now that you're in heaven. Aishiteru, koi. I love you." I begin to hum the tune to Duo's favorite hymn as I laid black roses at the base of the gravestone. Duo's favorite flower. "And He will raise you up on eagles wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun. And He will hold you in the palm of his hand," I sing the chorus softly. "I love you, Duo." I wipe my eyes one last time and go to the parking lot.

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I sigh. Heero walks back to the parking lot and flashes Quatre a reassuring smile. I follow, standing next to Heero. But he doesn't know I'm there.

"You ok?" Trowa asks.

Heero shakes his head. "No. Not right now. But I think I will be."

Quatre smiles and rubs Heero's back while Wufei silently wipes tears from his eyes. I smile at him. He's trying to be strong for the rest of them. "Way to go, Wu-man."

I find myself rubbing at my own eyes. If I hadn't been so rash… I would be happy and he… Heero wouldn't be hurting.

"I'm sorry Heero," I whisper.

He stops and turns, listening hard and looking in my general direction. But he doesn't see me.

"Heero, is something wrong?" Quatre asks.

Heero shakes his head. "I just thought I heard Duo."

For once no one knows what to say. Silently they slide into a sleek black limo. At Quatre's signal, the driver pulls away from the church.

I sigh again and let myself float to heaven. "I love you, too, Heero. I'll be waiting."

My eyes look down and find my own gravestone.

_Duo Maxwell_

_A beautiful spirit whose light shone_

_In a time when darkness reigned._

Owari

**RavynOwl: **Thanks for your prayers. My grandpa says "thank you" He's doing much better.

**Kira May Maxwell: **Thanks. We're all happy he's out of the hospital.

**Ameki-Elisa:** I'm glad I started writing again, too.

**Nightcrawls:** Yeah, writing at 2 AM does kinda mess with your mind… do I get my cookies?

**IchigoPocky:** Thank you for your views, however strong they may be. Yes, I realized after the fact that I messed up some of my word usage. Thank you for pointing that out. But, dogs actually are allowed in hospitals. Well, some dogs. They generally have to be trained and have to have all their shots, but it's actually considered a form of therapy. And maybe I should have mentioned Sally is the hospital director, because therapy dogs have to be okayed by the director of the hospital you want to take them to…

**The New Shinigami Hikari:** I dunno how Heero's going to react to you deciding Duo's yours… He's pretty possessive…

**HeeroDuo4eva:** Here's your update!

**Shinigami's Forlorn Angel:** Sorry, I lied about the two endings… It was my original intent, but things kinda went out of my hands. Stupid muses… I'm trying to write a happy ending as you read this, though…

**C:** Thanks for the compliment! Hope you don't hate me for what happened…

**Echo in the Dark: **You're quite right, suspense is fatal… hopefully not so fatal you didn't get to read this! And thanks for the sympathetic compliment!

**Yazzy:** I know, I'm a bad person… Happy angst bath.

**Ashley: **Thanks! Here it is!

**F-chan1:** I'm sorry for almost giving you a heart attack. -sends pocky to make you feel better-

**Zero: **Thanks!

**Shadowdragon58:** -shudders- Sorry…

**Kyokorain: **I didn't wanna make people cry! At least not Is that a compliment or an insult?

**Bluepig: **Thanks…

**-Remy De Master Tief:** Here it is!

**Varekai: **Aww! I can't resist the puppy dog eyes! Here's your update!

**Samuraiduck27: **Sorry bout the cliffie…

**Lonely Athrun Zala: **I don't particularly like being ordered… but since you're ordering me to do something I like doing… I s'pose that's ok…

**Koko conne:** Thank you!

Ja ne, everyone!


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